You know those mornings when nothing seems to be going right.
You spill your smoothie all over the kitchen floor.
Your son can’t find his shoes ~ again.
Your daughter won’t stop screaming when you’re brushing her hair.
And you, well you just want to crawl back into bed and cry.
Five years ago I found myself separating from my husband, emotionally exhausted and full of shame over the fact that my kids were routinely late for school (and often arriving with tear-stained faces).
Our mornings were hell.
I would yell and stress over the small things and feel obsessed with how being late would make me appear as a mom.
I felt like a failure.
As moms we carry the weight of our family’s success on our shoulders.
But here’s the truth – you have zero control over anyone else’s thoughts, feelings or actions – you only have control over your own.
So then, how do you know when you’re doing a good job?
Is it when your kids are getting good grades?
When they spend minimal time gaming?
When they’re on time for school with a lunch full of organics?
Or, perhaps it’s when they’re sitting respectfully in church and not running up and banging on the piano during the baptism ceremony (yup, been there).
Well, in reality it’s none of these things.
Your kids were born with free will and you ultimately have no control over how they think, feel or turn out.
In fact, they may end up being the exact opposite of what you desire for them.
Does that make you a bad mom?
What you do have control over is you – and it’s only in this that you can measure your own success.
Now ask yourself – what do you value? Who do you want to be?
For me I value things such as:
– Quality time with my kids.
– Taking the time to listen and letting them express their feelings.
– Teaching them tools to help them manage their minds.
– Helping them find and live their passions and purpose.
My success isn’t measured by how much my kids will learn or if they adopt the same values that I have.
Instead, what it means is that I teach them according to my values and model them in my own life.
That’s all that’s in my control and what they do with it is their choice.
Back to the mornings of hell.
What I decided for myself was to drop the story that wasn’t serving me (or my kids).
Instead, I chose to believe that it was more important for my kids to have a peaceful morning than it was to get them to school on time.
I even shared this with the principal and she gave me a pile of late slips to fill out myself – seriously how cool was that of her!
Five years later my kids are rarely late for school but I tell you – not for one single second would I choose being on time over having a peaceful morning.
I know that those of you who value punctuality are dying right now – and that’s ok. We have different values and can measure our own success individually.
For me it’s not worth it and sticking to this value means that I’m way more successful as a mom than if I let outside circumstances dictate my feelings and behaviour.
So I offer this to you – drop the story on what you think life should look like and how your kids should turn out.
Instead focus on you and how you want to show up as a mom.
Get clear on your own values and strive to be the best version of YOU taking ownership for your actions alone.
This, my fellow mom, is the best measure of success you can use – now go get ‘em!
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