Suffering

Today’s the day. The one I’ve dreaded (and prepared for) for 6 years.

It’s the day that my kids go to their dad’s part time.

When I divorced, my greatest fear was losing my kids for half of their little lives.

I ended up having them almost full time – which was a challenging and crazy adventure in itself.

But now, six years later, this is all about to change.

As I hugged my babies goodbye l had a big lump in my throat knowing that I won’t see them again until New Years ~ and we’ll be week on, week off from there.

Now, if I have any evidence in my own life about how freaking fantastic coaching is this is it!

A few years ago, before I found coaching, I’d have been a total and complete mess.  

I would have crawled into bed, cried, eaten my entire pantry and felt like crap.

I believed that my kids were better off with me.

I thought it would break me not being able to see them every day

And the thought of not being in total control of raising them left me with a lot of fear and honestly – a great sense of failure.

But all of this has changed and as I write this I feel teary but also calm.

I remember hearing a quote years ago that went something like this.

“Suffering is the space between our expectations and reality.”

I’ve no idea who to credit for this – Tony Robbins, Oprah, Jesus … who the heck knows.

I also butchered the hell out of it – but you get the point.

In understanding this it’s vital that you also understand these basics truths:

>Your beliefs create your expectations.

>Your thoughts that you repeatedly think create your beliefs.

>You can choose your thoughts which means you have ultimate control over your beliefs.

In understanding this I’ve been able to prepare myself by constantly choosing to think the following three new thoughts:

1 –  What if it’s meant to be like this.

I have my expectations because of my beliefs of how marriage and parenting “should” be.  

But what if I’m wrong? What if raising the kids in separate homes is actually what’s meant to happen? What if it’s an important part of their journey – and my own? 

And the big ah-ha for me is that if I’d expected this to happen all along then it wouldn’t be painful at all.

2 – I could be wrong

Soon after my divorce I ran into a pastor of a church that I used to attend.

He proceeded to tell me how my kids will be “damaged” by my divorce and won’t be able to function as whole and healthy human beings.

You might be thinking “how dare he” or you might be reading this and totally agree with him.

I’m not here to convince you of what you should think but rather I want you to understand that you will never be triggered by someone else’s beliefs if you don’t already hold them, on some level, to be true.

If this pastor had come and told me that my kids would be ruined because I ate cheese (I eat a lot of cheese) I would have laughed in his face.

I already know this isn’t true. But divorce – yes I did believe this would damage them.

And man, has it been liberating to let that belief go!

Ahhh the beauty of thought work.

3 – What if this is better

I used to be convinced that it was in my kids best interest to live with me full-time.  

Admitting to myself that this might not be true has been nutso hard but wow has it ever brought me clarity.

I’m choosing to thinking the thought that they really do need to have a close relationship with their dad – he is their dad afterall.

Now, before you go I want to point out something important.

The thoughts above are all believable and are just enough of an upgrade on my original thoughts to help ease the pain.

Eventually I’d like to get to the point where I’m actually happy about the 50/50 situation. This will take a lot more coaching and time but it will be worth it.

If you’re ready to start thinking better thoughts to feel better feelings you need to download this free guide. It’s simple yet effective and you can start using it right away.

Click here to get your free guide!

With love and hugs,

8 thoughts on “Suffering”

  1. Love this one Chanci. Extra big hugs for the new road and I wish you a surprisingly wonderful Christmas ❤️
    Rebecca

    Reply
    • Thank you so much Rebecca! I wish you the best Christmas ever too!

      Reply
  2. This is so good. I love and admire your transparency. It shows how none of us have arrived. Not even you who I look up to so much. We will never arrive. But like I’ve expressed before, you have changed my life & you lead by example. Merry Christmas my beautiful coach!!

    Reply
    • Oh Chrystal, you make me smile so big! Thank you for your loving words and for coming into my life! Coaching you has been a highlight of my career so far and I love how you’ve taken it and made so much beauty. Hugs xoxo

      Reply
  3. Chanci, you are gifted in your work, I can feel it in every sentence you wrote – looking forward hearing more from you!!
    And helping others in these huge mindshifts – as you showed – can change lifes. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
    • Sandra, thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It brought tears to my eyes xoxo. You’re support means the world.

      Reply
  4. This is such an eye opener Chanci and I admire you for working so hard on these thoughts! I will be doing some thought work using this in my own situations – thank you! You are awesome!

    Reply
    • Thank you Carolyn! I appreciate you commenting and I’m LOVING that you are applying what you’ve learned! You rock!!!

      Reply

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